“Life at home is hard. It’s not really a life – it is surviving. Managing the demands of a baby and two young boys is frustrating, as I can’t do everything I’d like to for the twins; they end up freeplaying and watching TV which makes me feel like a failure as a parent and teacher. Thankfully my husband Mark comes home from work and helps at mealtimes. Otherwise I would find it very hard to cope.
I avoid social media, its images of achievements and amazing activities just make me feel as if I’m not trying hard enough.
We do the best we can. We play in the garden and go out for walks. We love to bake, draw and paint. But they miss their grandparents who they adore and the variety that nursery brings. Although they have each other, fighting and tantrums have escalated in lockdown. It makes me feel like an awful parent. I feel like an awful partner too because we spend little time together, collapsing tired into bed each night. The house is tidy but still I see dust everywhere and it makes me sad. We are both exercising less, and I have gained weight too.
On the plus side Mark spends more time with the children and it’s lovely to have them at home . We can enjoy them more and they’ve really bonded with Georgie who is blossoming right now.
It’s sad to be missing out on opportunities with Georgie. We lived through extreme trauma when the boys were born and spent a year in limbo, going between hospitals. It’s as if we have been robbed of a normal newborn experience again. Unable to enjoy this stage fully, it reminds me of last time – the isolation, worry and inescapable daily monotony. At times I feel very sad and just plain bored.
Every day we say ‘I love you’ and try to show how proud we are of each other. A baby makes you stop and appreciate every little change and realise how amazing children are. We are lucky to have our health, home and each other.”
